Thursday, March 1, 2007 at CJ s in the Strip

 

 

 

 

Instead of sitting around sinking into self-pity and questioning why was he adopted. Why he wasn't told until he was an adult that he had another family. Why people sat back and watched him struggle through a dark time when he didn't know if he even wanted to live to see the next day. DMC made the decision to take the high road and share his thoughts, frustrations and joy with children everywhere, who are going through what he has gone through. He decided to make it his Mission, to share the downside and to let them know there is an upside and in the end it's all about finding your true self.

 

DMC was gracious enough to take time out of his busy schedule to sit down with me and discuss the emotional ride he has been traveling lately. He also spoke of his mission to help the children faced with adoption and those living in the foster care system to uplift themselves.

 

The moment I sat down with DMC, I immediately felt his inner passion for the children just like him.

 

 

DMC thank you for taking time out of your schedule to share your thoughts with our readers regarding your visit to Pittsburgh to speak to the children participating in the Second Chance program.

 

It's great you're traveling through the country and sharing your experiences and wisdom with our children. As you know many grandparents or foster parents are raising children because their parents are out there. It's not only the very young children who are affected by absent parents, but the teenagers. A few years back I participated in a program with the Pittsburgh Public School System (Westinghouse High School) showing the students how to use poetry as a venue of expression. The common thread in their writings were the feelings of hurt, frustration and anger from being abandoned by their parents. Even at the ages of 17, 18 and 19, they were hurting inside. What I'd like to know, when you talk to the children tomorrow, what advice will you offer to them on handling their emotions?

 

I understand what you're saying. Children being out of their parents home because of domestic, drug abuse or living in a neglectful environment. Unlike most, I didn't find out I was adopted until I was 35 and being an adult I was more experienced in handling emotions more so than a child of 3 or a teenager. Even though I handled my anger as an adult I still experienced the same thoughts and frustrations as my younger counterparts. This brings me to the way children handle their frustrations. The media headlines are filled constantly in black and white describing the growing violence among our youth. Violence grows when our kids lash out in frustration, the growing use of drugs and the high rate of suicide among our youths. It's all rooted in their inability to deal with the anger inside. The anger comes from situations they're going through, thinking no one understands and no one hears their cries. Without a trusting adult to confide, they hold in their anger, which soon explodes uncontrollably. They don't know which way to go, whom to talk to. They feel as though nothing will make the pain go away, so they reach out and suppress it with drugs or going as far to try to numb the feeling by committing suicide. They want the pain to disappear and they want to disappear.

 

I tell them straight out, I don't hold back anything.  I let them know everything they've thought, everything they're going through, I went through. I tell them they can't allow their circumstances to hold them back. Whatever is going on inside the home, find a way to focus on finding their place in the world.  Once I found out I was adopted, in order for me to get through what I was going through, I started talking to the children in the foster homes, the children in the programs, the children who are at-risk. I don't come to them as Mr. DMC, the guy who made it. I come to them just like them, a person filled with more questions than answers, a person like them who wants to feel love, to feel a purpose in life.

 

I try to get across to them no matter what they're going through, the one important factor is that they're here on the face of the earth, they're living and breathing and they have a purpose and a destiny to fulfill.

 

I share how life is a never-ending circle. I give them my personal example. If my birth mother never gave me away to the people who were destined to raise me and to be a part of my success in life, I would had never moved to Hollis, I would have never met Run and Jay. There would be no Hip Hop, no Run-DMC and I wouldn't be standing here today, sharing my story with them. From my being adopted, to my being raised in Hollis by a loving family, to my meeting Run and Jay, from Run-DMC, to finding out I was adopted, to finding my birth mother, to this moment in time, all this was my purpose and my destiny.

 

For me to be able to fulfill my destiny I had to go through what I went through, to get here.

 

I tell the children it's a hard road, but your parents who you want to raise you, may not be the ones appointed to get you where you need to go. Right now you may not have a connection with family or trusting friends, you should look for opportunities to uplift yourself in the not so normal places, such as your guardians, your teachers and even the social workers or programs like the Second Chance. You may become angry and feel without a family, there's none around to give you the opportunities. Well, the people who are surrounding you right now, the ones looking over your shoulder, utilized them. Accept the chances for opportunities they offer you. You don't know one of those opportunities could be your break for daylight.

 

Always remember the fact that you're here shows you something is in store for you. Don't model yourself into being the next Jay-Z, you're supposed to be a million times greater than he. Forget about being the next Allen Iverson, he's doing what s he's suppose to do. I did what I needed to do. I'm here to tell you guys that you're destined to be great. It's not about how you got here. It's about what you want to do! I tell them, in this room could be the next great rapper, a star athletic, a ground breaking scientist, a top physicist, even the next great mayor of a City. 

 

In my getting involved with children and being part of the organizations that assist them, I came across an interesting factor. When children are placed in therapy, the caseworker routinely follows the procedures outlined and regulated in books. These books and regulations generalized social dysfunctions and treatment. They don't meet the needs of the individual child. These procedures are usually implemented from a controlled environmental study, with equally controlled results, which are broken down into Plan A, and Plan B. These plans are then use in treating our children. Sure Plan A may work for some, then Plan B may work for others, but what about the children neither plans work? This is where the labeling takes precedent over an individual needs. These are the children who are labeled "special needs" or "severely dysfunctional." No! You can't label our children this way. What's needed is for the researchers and therapists to sit down one on one with the children and families and listen to what's going on in their lives. If you don't give the children the opportunity to freely express their emotions. If you don't open lines of communication wide enough to listen, you'll never know what's going on inside of them and this is when you'll find them holding their emotions inside, acting out in violence, involving drugs and thoughts of suicide take over.

 

This is why I travel from city to city to let the children know, someone is listening and someone knows first hand what they're going through. I tell them to forget about who's not there with them and start focusing on something much bigger, their life's mission. Whatever dreams they have of what they'd like to do with their lives. That's their mission. Start working towards that goal.

 

The saying is true to get to where you're supposed to be, you first have to get through the hard times. There's no way around them, no way under them. These are your hard times and your experiences. Once you get through, you can turn around and share how you got through with those coming up behind you. Show them where you came from and where you are; show them they can succeed just like you.

 

After I explained this to the children they give me this look and smile and say, "Yeah cool, I can do that!"

 

There are many facets of anger when dealing with facing adoption or being sent to a group home. When I found out I was adopted the most asked question from people was, "Are you angry because your parents lied to you?" Truthfully, Yes, I was angry. After the initial thought, I realized they didn't tell me for good reasons and being an adult and a parent I could appreciate their reasoning.