Besides the anger there's guilt and shame on a child's shoulder because of the stigma of being adopted or living in the foster care system. Again labeling our children isn't good. I strongly express to not be ashamed. What happened to you, happened. Now what are you going to do? Another example I use, look at a basketball. You take the ball, shoot it and even though the ball doesn't go in the basket, the ball still soared in the right direction, that's you. Perhaps you weren't meant to go in a straight direction, but you need to keep going.
A common question I get from some children, "DMC you found your birth mother. I may never get that chance. What about me?" I respond to them lovingly, "I m your father; I m your mother." Adopting a child may not be for everyone, but there are other ways help a child, such as becoming involved in a mentorship program. You pick up the phone each week and call a child and say, "Yo! What's up man? I m rooting for you. How you doing?" Ask them about the good and the bad stuff that happened this week. How can I help you? Mentoring takes a few hours a week. That's all it takes to change a child's life and put a smile on their face, to let them know someone cares.
Finding out I was adopted at an older age has given me a better understanding in connecting with the children and listening to their feelings on what should be in place for the system to better assist them. After listening to the children, I then sit with the therapists, the social workers, the policymakers and the lawmakers and pass along the information on what was once working years ago, isn't working today.
I also share with the children that there are a great number of celebrities, sport figures and other professionals who were in the same position when they were young. They were also adopted or placed in foster homes. Knowing this gives the children a special bond with others who were once where they are. To them it confirms they're not in this alone and they aren't doomed to a life of going nowhere. But once you think about it, these children have always been treated as special. You know how it goes, around the holidays different groups organized dinners or events for "special need" children. For eons, we've been using the words special to describe these children. To me they're the next great people of the world. I now tell them, when someone says you're special, stand up and say you're gat-damn right I m special!
SP Bonita:
Ok, DMC let's go back a little, you made the comment when you were on the top of the world, you felt an emptiness inside. Then you found out you were adopted. How did learning this and accepting it fill the emptiness?
DMC:
When my mother said I was adopted, immediately I starting having flashbacks of my childhood and started putting two and two together. I remembered when I used to get teased because I didn t look like anyone in my family; when my friends got angry with me, they would yell, Yea D, you re adopted, that's why you don't look like anyone in your family. I often wondered why I was the only artistic and the athletic one in the family. My characteristics were completely different from other family members. I didn't notice it then, as I was surrounded with love.
I m a spiritual person so during the time when I was feeling unfulfilled, I sat back and asked the universe what is it I'm supposed to be doing. Each day I'd ask myself am I here just to be DMC the famous rapper? I became frustrated to the point I was having suicidal thoughts. I kept thinking there's got to be more to me. Of course my friends thought I was crazy, saying your DMC, man you have it all. Sure being DMC was great, but inside, I knew there was something even more important I was to accomplish. All your life you'll have people telling you what you should do or who you should be. But only you can find what you're supposed to be. Even if you have to attempt something different every year. Don't become discouraged keep trying. I often say, what you're looking for is looking for you, you just have to be opened to it.
I could have gone through life thinking I m DMC, it's all good. I'm gonna be rich and famous and I'm a rapper, but the moment I actually achieved it, I said hold up, is there something else I'm suppose to do? That's the moment the void opened.
SP Bonita:
Did finding your birth mother fill the void?
DMC:
Yes finding her did fill the void. Now it's as though I'm starting to live life all over again. I have a mother, a father, two brothers and a sister; I want to get to know. Remember when you were small and everything was new? That's how I feel right now. Sometimes we, as adults, need to tap into that child inside of us to enjoy new adventures. Some feel when a dilemma has been solved, they've arrived. No, to me, it means you've complete one part of your life and it's time to travel a different road. I'm traveling on a new road.
SP Bonita:
I was wondering DMC, how did you feel when you first heard your birth mother's voice? Did you feel like an itty-bitty child?
DMC:
For sure. I felt like a little kid scared to death, I didn't know. You know how little kids get scared. Like when you first met your grandmother and your parents are saying this is grandma. You're looking all scared, thinking who is this? When I heard her voice for the first time, I was that little child.
SP Bonita:
I know being an adult we're conditioned to handle our anger on a more mature level than a child. Did your maturity help you deal with your emotions when you were told you were adopted?
DMC:
My parents brought me home when I was a month old, that's when they decided to keep me. When I found out I was adopted I instantly started having flashbacks remembering other children who came and went from our house. When I was four there was one kid, Oscar. He lived with us for about six months and one day he disappeared. I remember waking up in the morning and people were at the door. My mother told me that Oscar's mother was here to get him and I said, "I thought Oscar lived here." Another memory, one night they brought home a little girl. Her cries had me up until 3 or 4 in the morning. When I woke the next morning she was gone. But I was the one they kept.
There's anger but also guilt and shame comes into play. I can assume my parents didn't tell me to protect me. I remember them working hard to send me to school. I attended catholic schools from grade school to graduation then on to college. I wasn't of their flesh and blood, but they worked hard so I would be in positions to better myself. That's what parents do. I was always a good student and emotionally I was functioning well. Again, I can assume they felt if they told me I was adopted, I might start to act out.
Personally, after talking to foster parents. I feel a child should be told they're adopted when they're young. At such a young age they'll have a more simplistic understanding of why they aren't with their birth parents. If you never tell them or they find out through someone else, then you may have problems.
My parents told me, because unintentionally they had to. I needed some personal information regarding my birth, so naturally I called my Mom and asked how much did I weight, what time was I born, where was I born? She told me and hung up. I didn't think anything more of the conversation. But she knew I'd have more questions, some she wouldn't be able to answer. She discussed it with my father, the next minute she was calling me back. I'm thinking Mom I just spoke to you. That's when she told me I was adopted. Funny, later, my brother told me he always knew I was adopted, but Mom would never tell.
SP Bonita:
Your new CD Checks, Thugs and Rock & Roll, I sense a collective theme throughout the lyrics, tell us a little about the CD.
DMC:
Just Like Me -- written for foster kids and the orphans
Machine Gun -- about the war in Iraq
What s Wrong -- what's wrong with the world today and the kids they want to act out
Only God Knows -- that's the suicide record
Come 2ogether -- that's about the world and saving the whales and protecting the environment
SP Bonita:
My personal view of your lyrics is you're reaching out to your audience. Schooling them to watch out for the atrocities of the world. I'm especially feeling What's Wrong. You're trying to get a point across to the younger generation and they won't listen, because they know it all. In today's world one of the most frustrating things is to raise a child; they're influenced by everything but the words coming from the mouth of their parents.
DMC:
Exactly, the programming offered on BET and MTV have a direct influence over our children. The media is giving free access of shows filled with sexual innuendos. I feel young children shouldn't watch these types of programming. There's a difference between a relationship and sex, a difference between burlesque and the scantily clad females in the videos being touched, groped and grind on. But when we as parents deny that access in our own households, it creates problems.
The children believe the world broadcasted daily by the media is the norm. When parents intervene they rebel and whine we're trying to deprive them. Each attempt we make in showing our children the world portrayed in the videos are not the norm, the media throws a thousand more videos contradicting us at their feet. Perhaps the best thing for parents to do is the tough love practice and pray sooner than later they'll realize the difference between reality and fantasy. That's a sad way to go though.
SP Bonita:
How does it make you feel to share your life experiences with the children?
DMC:
This is what I was meant to do. My path was laid out for me when I was born. The DMC was given to me, as a path I had to take to lead me to this place.
Many celebrities say they aren't role models, which I agree. But you do have a responsibility to reach back and help others. An example, look at the affect the actions of a few professional basketball players have had on the younger generation. In the news we've been hearing more about black kids fighting at the high school games. They're replicating what they see happening in the NBA. They see these ball players being paid big money and they're allowed to act like children and without harsh punishment. I heard in a passing conversation someone actually said it's ok for the pro players to fight. If our children wouldn't see it played out in the media, they wouldn't be repeating it. They feel if it's Ok for the professional ball player, well I know it's Ok for me.
I'm not a role model, but I have to be responsible.
Even at the height of Run-DMC, we use to drink champagne and party, but we never put those images on our records or videos. Today rappers use images of smoking weed, having sex and violence to gain street credentials in order to sell their records. We didn't have to use those images, it wasn't necessary.
I tell people if you're successful of course you're going to want to party, but hip-hop isn't about being at the strip club, drinking, smoking and disrespecting others and yourself.
SP Bonita:
You stated part of your Mission would be to work towards having the laws changed so adopted children would be able to have access to their birth records.
DMC:
The law has to do with privacy. To protect the birth mother and the father. Everyone has a say, the birth mother, the hospital, the government, sometimes the birth father. Everyone but the child. Why don't I have a say in it? I feel every person on the face of the earth has a right to know their real identity. Let me say it this way, you wouldn't open a book and start reading from Chapter Two? You have a right to know where you came from. My birth mother started my life, that's what I wanted to know, where did I begin? You have a right to know the roots of your history.
SP Bonita:
Has anything been done yet to change the law?
DMC:
When I visit different organizations I sit down and discuss it with the people who are putting together the bills. I'd like everyone to have access their birth records. There are some states where you've access to your records once you reach the age of 18, it's not law in every state, not yet.
My life didn't begin in Hollis, it began somewhere else. When I'm sitting with my son, I want to be able to give him the complete story of my history, of his history. You know what else would help? If people would stop thinking you're protecting the child by not telling them early in life where they came from. It's good to tell the children.
SP Bonita:
How does it make you feel to be honored and acknowledged for your work with children, especially recently being named the Ambassador of Goodwill at the Children Uniting National Awards in LA?
DMC:
I realize the key to a better world starts with our children. We have to go directly to the kids and prepare them for their future. So when they get to where we are, they won't have to deal with what we're dealing with.
Rap music and video games don't cause violence but it does add to the problem. In hip-hop if you make a record about a gun, why not make a record about not using a gun? If you make a record about a bitch and ho, why not make a record about aunts, grandmothers and the real nurturing women of the world? Why not make a record about people working hard, going to college, being a nurse, a lawyer.
